Reflection

I'm disappointed in myself. I had hoped to write this blog daily like I was supposed to, and come away with some new-found appreciation and understanding of the writing process. I had hoped I would be a better writer. I don't know if I am or not, as I don't really consider myself a writer in any respects. Writing is an art form, and I am no artist.
I found that most days I didn't know what to write about. Looking back over my previous posts, my blog is almost painful to read. Full of rants and ramblings, topics that are uninteresting, some posts don't really even have a topic! My posts appear shallow and superficial to me, which is one of the reasons I'm disappointed. I'm not a shallow person, but I am also not very comfortable opening up my thoughts to the entire online world. And I do enough writing about topics I have zero interest in, just for the sake of filling the page, in all of my classes.
I will say that I have become better at writing without editing. I have been practicing letting all my ideas flow out without trying to edit while I write. I knew as soon as I read that article that I was guilty of this. Having the freedom of the blog to just write (however boringly) has actually helped me in that respect.
I'd like to say that I'm a better writer after this experience, but that would be a lie. I can, however, say with certainty that I am not a worse writer for having done this.

02/24/15

I am not a morning person.

I used to be when I was younger. I would awake early with a smile on my face, completely ready for the day. There was none of the grouchy, hung-over feelings that I experience these days. That's not to say that I am literally hung over every morning, but rather, I feel as if I am. I'm not sure when the change occurred. Perhaps it was when I had children, and forever left the realm of sleeping soundly. Perhaps it was due to my gradual increase in caffeine dependency. Waking up to withdraws, like a drug addict looking for a fix. Completely incapable of rational thought until body gets what it craves. Maybe the shift took place while I was working as a bartender. My shift started at 6pm, the bar closed at 2am. After cleaning up I would leave around 3, and get home by 4am. Then it was up at 6 to get the kids ready for school, and I had a toddler at home so there was no napping during the day while everyone was gone. I held that schedule for 2 years. For 2 years I ran on virtually no sleep, fueled only by caffeine, nicotine, and the euphoria of making $400 in one night.

Maybe its all of the above. Or none of the above.

Maybe I'm just another day closer to being that grouchy old man sitting on my front porch, scowling at kids and forever complaining.

Maybe old men are grouchy because they don't get enough sleep.

2/20/15

I am not a team player. I am usually a team leader though. I hate having to work with others on a project because I ALWAYS end up doing most, if not all, of the work. It's not that I mind doing all the work so much as I despise free-loaders.

In my business class we are in groups of 5 and I of course was nominated as team leader. Apparently to 3 of the individuals on my team, that meant I will be doing all the work, and they will be available to sign their names on it and collect their "A". This doesn't work for me. We are writing up a complete and comprehensive business plan. It involves a lot of planning and even more research, just as if we were actually starting up a business. There is no way I would actually partner up with these people in the real world and depend on them for my livelihood if they cant even weigh in on something as simple as what flavor of toothpaste we should produce. Nope, never. Fortunately for me, my business professor has included in the assignment the ability to fire dead weight.

You can bet that I will be filling out those forms and firing their asses.

02/18/15

Another snow day. I'm home sick again today with a house full of antsy kids. I think the boys are ready to fist fight each other so I had to separate them in order to preserve my sanity. Perhaps if it was warmer that 8 degrees they could go out and enjoy the snow. Its more of a novelty for them, but I don't think they like it much. They were all raised in Arizona and haven't acclimated to the cold yet. Can't say that I have yet either, but I'm more of a summer person. Arizona was hot. Like really hot. But I didn't mind. It's days like today that I question why we moved back home. Its going to be a beautiful 75 in Phoenix today, and we are all cooped up in this house, half of us sick, waiting for spring. I wish I had the financial means to be a snow-bird at the age of 32.

2/13/15

Tired. I am so tired. Of everything.

02/11/15

Sick. Everyone is sick. Again. This make 3 times this winter already! Usually we have a cold or the flu pass through the house once a year, but for whatever reason this year everyone seems to be more susceptible. So I'm home with a to-do list that's a page long, trying to keep all my little sickies comfortable. What I really want to do is take a hot shower and go to bed. But, no. There is no such thing as days off when you're me. Not even sick days. Hopefully I can knock out some of this ungodly amount of English homework I have to do. Especially the one that is going to take awhile according to my teacher, as she failed to provide the link to do the actual assignment. I really think I'm going to ask for my money back.... Why am I paying this professor to not teach me? Its getting pretty ridiculous.

02/09/15

I missed another blog post yesterday. I really dont know how I will manage to write everyday since I do tend to get really busy. Yesterday was a good kind of busy though. Since it was absolutely glorious outside, we took the family to Ritter Springs Park and let them blow off some steam running around. We walked a couple of the trails they have there and got attacked by gnats. They always seem to follow my oldest daughter around, which is a hilarious spectacle to see her scream and flail her arms around trying to get them away from her. It was a bit sad to hear my boys complain about the walk. They used to love to go on these little adventures. They are either getting too old and think they are un-cool, or perhaps we've just been to this particular park so many times that they've grown bored with it. I'll have to find some new spots to take them too. I've never taken them to the caverns, they might find that fascinating. I'll have to remember to put that on our "to-do" list.

The whole weekend was like a sneak peak of spring. We had friends and family over for a BBQ, we played outside a lot, there were kids running around in and out of the house and through my backyard, everyone just seemed to be a bit more cheerful, a bit happier. Even the morning air smelled sweet and fresh. Then Monday rolled around and brought its bleak over-cast mood. I hate Mondays and I hate winter.

02/07/15

Long day. Long long long long day. Lately my days are always packed with too much to do and I sometimes just wish for those days where I can lay around the house and do nothing. Where everything is completed, there are no chores, there is no work, there is nobody needing things from me. The only problem is that has never happened. Not that I can remember. I'm sure I had days like that way back when I was a baby. But for the last 12 years I don't recall a single day of pure laziness. I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself if I ever experienced such a day. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldnt relax. Instead I would probably pace around my living room adamant I had forgotten to do something, and upon reaching the conclusion that I hadnt, I would push my family out the door so we could go on an adventure. I might be insane.

02/06/15

So, I'm really letting myself get stressed out over all the writing required this week in my English class. Daily blogging, an essay, a couple other writings... I'm falling behind because I have other classes that I have big projects in the works for. I work all day and come home to the chaos that is my large family. My one day off there's always some sort of project or errand or thing that needs to be fixed. I find myself wondering if it was the right choice to go back to school at this time. I know that I need to keep working toward my degree, however, the reason I took a year off was because life got too crazy and I started falling behind. I wasn't giving my all in my classes, I didn't feel like I was actually learning. I was just going through the motions. I worry because I can feel that starting to happen again and its only been a month. I had started the semester off good, had my time management down, my brain could actually focus. And then life has a way of laughing in my face. I need to evaluate what exactly is happening. I cant let myself slip. And even though I don't necessarily like that I have to write so much for this class, I can already feel myself being able to get things out a little better. Take this blog post for example. I'm practicing free writing, that technique that supposedly helps with writers block and fluency. I've been typing for awhile now and I'm not going back to correct my spelling errors (even though I can see a half a dozen or more of those horrendous red zigzags), I haven't once read over what I've already written, even though I want to out of habit. So I have no idea if this post is even coherent! But that's ok, because its my blog. And I can do what I want. In fact, I'm not even going to read over this before I post it. I will fix the spelling errors though. There ya go.

Know Your Audience

I had high hopes of the Know Your Audience assignment last week. I was severely disappointed once the questions and answers started rolling in though. I guess I was expecting more depth. Most of the questions and practically all of the answers were basic and generic. What is your biggest fear, favorite color, animal, place, memory.. etc. are all small talk questions. They barely scratch the surface of who a person really is. There were a couple of actual questions asked that required a point of view or an opinion. A real chance to let you mind be known in an environment where niceties are expected at all times. Unfortunately even these questions were responded to by an overwhelming  "I don't really pay attention to and/or care about that stuff". Disappointing. I even tried to get the conversations going, get a reaction, a reply, anything! My questions and replies remain unanswered. At this point, the only conclusion I can come to about my peers is that they are either the dullest group of people to ever be gathered together, or most of them would just like to get through this class by doing the bare minimum. I sincerely hope I'm wrong either way.

02/04/15 1st post

My first daily post was supposed to be yesterday. However, after work I dropped off a co-worker at his house and due to ice, I was unable to even get out of his driveway! Even with 4 wheel drive engaged and the powerful engine in my truck, I succeeded in only ruining part of his yard as I slid and struggled to even move on to the street. I ended up having to stay the night at his house until the sun warmed up enough this morning to allow me to venture back home. Much to the dismay of my wife and kids, they had to spend the evening without my company. I didn't get to eat dinner with them, or tuck my kids into bed. I was unable to curl up on the couch with my wife and watch a movie like we do most nights. Instead I slept on my friends couch in his drafty old house. I am grateful for that couch though. Grateful that I didn't get stuck at the job-site and had to spend the night in an empty, half finished house with no heat. Grateful that I didn't end up sliding off the road on my way home and injuring myself or anyone else. It was inconvenient but I'm still alive. So, unable to start yesterday, I will write 2 entries today to make up. Hopefully this will be accepted. If not, there's nothing much I can do about it now.

Credo

I believe anything I do should be done genuinely. Helping friends and family is done in kindness, absent of stipulations and my kids deserve my devotion to raising them properly. There are no shortcuts, there are is no such thing as the easy way. Giving full effort to my commitments yields great rewards.

I believe- In 10 minutes

i believe i am a good parent
i believe 
i believe that i make mistakes
i believe that life should be enjoyed
i believe that I try to control too much
i believe that education comes from more than school
i believe that my wife loves me unconditionally
i believe that my children will grow up to be happy people
i believe that this country has lost its way
i believe that most people don't hate
i believe in helping people before helping myself
i believe there are some things that we are not meant to know
i believe that there are some things we refuse to know
i believe that all people should know how to make bread
i believe in sit down dinners with my family every night
i believe that i am misunderstood
i believe that i give too much sometimes
i believe that i will be successful
i believe that success does not equate to money earned
i believe that i can over come anything
i believe Halloween is fun no matter what your age
i believe that getting drunk at a bar is no longer fun
i believe that i am thinking too hard about this assignment
i believe that i am too hard on myself
i believe that i strive for perfection
i believe that there are way too many spelling errors on this to look
i believe that my wife is my soul mate
i believe i have too many distractions
i believe the ocean calls to my soul
i believe that road trips are essential
i believe in educating my kids on more than what they learn in class
i believe in absolute freedoms
i believe that people should be allowed to live their own lives
i believe i am running out of ideas
i believe that i can


I believe in sit down dinner with my kids every night. When I was a child, my mom was adamant about this. It never seemed unusual for me, I wasn't aware that other kids did not have dinner with their families. Not until I was older did I see that a lot of my friends ate in front of the TV, or alone at the table because their mom or dad would make them something but didn't sit down and eat with them. One friend of mine ate take out or fast food almost every night. And if it wasn't take out, it was some microwavable meal. Gross. My mom was a single mom, who worked very hard. Every day she would get off work and make a home made meal. Every night we sat down together and ate, and talked, and just were together. When I had children of my own, it was only natural that I would continue on with this tradition. We have 5 kids so dinner is always a huge production. There's a lot of food that needs to be made in order to fill 5 growing kids stomachs. Most nights, dinner is made from scratch. We rarely eat out and we never get fast food. About once a month we order pizza, and we still sit down at the table together to eat. It was important for us to do this every night when the kids were younger, so that when they get older and get busy with their own lives they will still make time for their family. They will know that dinner time means everyone sits down together and talks about their day. When they become teenagers this may be the only time when we can all be together. Even now they come home from school and are out the door to meet their friends, weekends are spent hanging out and riding bikes, especially when its warm out. They are growing so quick, and I love that they are becoming their own people. I like that they have made good friends and that they go do kid stuff and that they don't just sit inside and watch TV or play video games all day. But I still want them to remember that family is the most important aspect of their lives. They fight constantly with each other, and I know that's normal. I hope that when they are older they are close like I am with my sister. I know its hard to have a younger sister bossing you around and their mom telling them to get along. I know there are times

440 word in 10 minutes.

Jung Typology

ENFJ. That is my result. How do I even begin talking about this personality test? For starters, there wasn't anything in the results I didn't already know myself. Because I know myself. I've known since I was a small child that I was an empath, but I have also been called a chameleon multiple times over the years by several people. I portray an extrovert to the outside world, but I know at heart I am the opposite. Its no act, I really am social and outgoing. I default into leadership roles time and time again. And this, I have realized, is due to my uncanny ability to "read" people. I can feel what they feel, and just know what they need from me that they aren't saying. And I, in turn, provide that if I'm willing.
I'm really struggling to write this all out. I'm not good at talking about myself, and even worse at exposing what is actually going on in my brain. It not only feels narcissistic, but an invasion of privacy. How do you explain intuition to those who don't experience it much? How do I convince that logic, although imperative, is not decisive in my choices? How do I describe the chaos of my mind to anyone but myself?
This personality type can be beneficial in most areas of my life, but when it specifically comes to writing, it can be hindering. If a book or article is well written, I am able to feel what the author is portraying. They literally become my own emotions and therefore I can write about the topic with ease. However, if I am just given a topic to write about, one that I have zero interest in, the result is choppy and forced. I can't "fake it till I make it" as the saying goes. Writing isn't a learned skill for me, it is a form of expression that is used when I need it.
See, this probably makes no sense.

Well, here we go!

Welcome to my English composition blog. I'm not quite sure what I will be doing in this space yet, but it's sure to be interesting. Here goes nothing!